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- Introduction to Sexual Flow
Introduction to Sexual Flow
Our project sexual flow is a meeting place and space for growth intended for experienced people in the field of neo-tantra, sexological bodywork or similar activities who are deepening their understanding and action in the area of sexuality, relationship and partnership.
Since the first meetings, starting in 2006, our experiences and our friendship are still growing.
We now use different weightings in our sexual flow programmes, depending on the needs of the participants:
- Introductions are opening the space to experience our intentions, essences, rules and methods.
- sexual flow for couples is a protected space for couples who share sexual union or any sexual contact only with their partner, but in addition are able to experience the energy of other couples and the whole group, which can be inspiring.
- In deeper diving practices, we focus on specific topics such as overcoming shadow parts and, shyness and other old fixed patterns, expanding boundaries, feeling and understanding yourself and your partner better, letting go and diving into a free flow without any presetting (but within the rules of mindfulness, co-responsibility and safer sex) and expanding your awareness.
It’s quite difficult to explain sexual flow in common words, because the sexual area in our society is still subject to taboos, fears or projections, where words and feelings are ambivalent. Many couples in our society are already experiencing this as well. In addition to our normal sexual behavior, our sexual flow practice leads us to experiencing new feelings, energy, wildness, silence, inner worlds, intuition, healing and a spirituality free from conventional religiosity which often is beyond words. We consciously cultivate and foster self-love, couple sexuality, the sexual power of the whole group and a cosmic energy. We try to get in resonance with the original life force as well as with the vibrations of the heart, of our consciousness and of cosmic creation. For a long time, containers which applied such a broad range of sexual expressions and mindful reflection were very rare in the world. We like to be connected with people doing similar work.
In the next paragraphs, we try to describe that in a little more depth and detail, where you find comparison and distinction with similar forms and concepts you might already have heard about.
Flow as flow or stream
We want our sexuality to flow as freely as possible, energetically, sexually, from the heart, spiritually etc. In order that the flow finds a pleasant and beneficial path, we create a framework in which it can move and vibrate. Therefore we provide structures and define limits. This connection or balance between free flow and a safe framework is an ancient challenge in our lifes and relationships of humans generally. This polarity of flow and structure often is compared with the female and male principle. This can support us in our realisation, but sometimes harbours the danger of too strong a reduction to binary feelings and actions. The queer scene shows that much more is possible than just perceiving oneself as male or female.
May this interplay of flow and structure bring to us all the appropriate expressions, valuable experiences, enjoyment and development and a healthy
Flow as a peak experience or highlight
We guess you already have experienced moments in your life where flow happened, where time has stood still and you have been completely connected with yourself and your activity. Perhaps these were gifted moments as a musician or as a listener, as an author, a programmer, a sportsman, a teacher, a student, a meditator, a gambler or a loved one, when IT happened to you.
Perhaps your emotions, your thoughts, your body or your whole being were engaged during this flow experience.
And perhaps those moments were so overwhelming to you that you later recognized them as highlight, happiness, or an experience of oneness.
Presumably you have longed for it again and have realized that they can not easily be reproduced.
But life goes on and you presumably follow next core elements of your sexuality, your feelings, your visions and your whole being.
Flow as a state of happiness
According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, professor of psychology, flow is a state of happiness, concentration and complete absorption with the present activity. To be achieved, it requires some conditions, e.g. when we manage to be fully present, authentic with our own impulses, when we are completely involved in a massage or in a sexual contact, as if we all together were this encounter and this we-space. Our ego nearly doesn’t matter any more. We are vibration, sound, feeling, smell, precence, etc. We forget the time. Flow occurs when both, our skill level to dive in an encounter and the challenge level, are matched and high. Our activities are moving along a track or a flow, where we are not overwhelmed (for example, in fear) or bored or waiting for someone else to finally give us what we want.
Even if no one is able to guarantee you the flow, you can still prepare for it through a supporting frame, through your personal attitude, dedication and letting go.
Flow in a tantric light
Many of these statements will be familiar to you, if you have been in a training in (neo-) tantra or sexological bodywork. There the focus is on relationship, sexuality and ecstasy as well as on methods such as breathing techniques, voice, Osho’s active meditations, the ritual „awakening of the senses“, the dynamic flow process, a broad range of orgasmic reactions, etc.
We frequently start with dynamic methods in order to allow the opening of the gate for deeper experiences during a subsequent silence. These changes between dynamic exercises and subsequent silence also correspond to the image of structure and flow.
We are a mirror to each other for both male and female manifestations and we celebrate divine aspects in our partners, in ourselves and in the whole manifestation.
Shamans, sufis, mystics and other tantric lines know about these aspects. They may emphasize more on one or the other aspect, e.g. presence, perception, affirmation, consecration, visualization, mantra, reflection, channeling energy, transformation, union, letting go, or transcending from dual reality into unity or non-duality.
Flow in a group
Usually in our culture people practice sexuality mainly alone or with one person. They rarely live or recognize it in a broader we space.
Even their concept of love is mainly focused on one person and occasionally on oneself, if someone else is missing.
Let us open love and sexuality (at least sexual vibration) more and more in a we space, e.g. in the we as a group or a community, in the we as a whole world community, in the we to all beings in all worlds, in their longings or unfinished business and also in the we of all that is. It will be marvelous to bathe in all which is vibrating and also be a caring part whithin these vibrations. And perhaps we are even able to experience a glimpse of the sexual pleasure of the universe and to dwell in those energies or in those beings who witness, create and bear all that.
The better right now than waiting for tomorrow! ☺
Sexual flow for an evolutionary path
It is not enough for a healthy personal development to orient ourselves only to more forms of sexual expression and to stronger stimuli. Many singles and long-term couples risk to keep such a narrow perspective. In addition to a rather horizontal orientation towards „even more“ and „even better“ of what we already practice, we need more aspects and perspectives that allow us to take the leap into a vertical development and into new dimensions, which are transforming. Some methods have already been mentioned, e.g. pause, feel, give feedback, listen, mindfulness, etc. Slow sex, as we learnt it from Barry Long, Diana Richardson and others, breathing techniques, big draw and release, which we know from Joseph Kramer or in a traditional way from Yoga Nidra, maybe as well binaural beats and supporting music etc. are fundamental tools to take us into depth and transformation.
When you practice sexual flow in the group, you may be amazed at how ecstasy is felt in you and by others at the same time. Sometimes you may have contributed to an ecstatic vibration through your own movements, and sometimes it breaks through without any activity. Sometimes you see the source of this ecstasy in you and your actual partner, and another time you will simply be overwhelmed by the ecstasy of the whole group. You might consider it irrelevant in such a situation whether there is anything to be done or whether everything is already there.
Your presence, your surrender, your mindfulness, and your fresh immediacy are enough to create new spaces and expressions of sexual encounter. Mabe you even feel and join the play in the micro or macro cosmos. This all can give you ecstatic moments, heal old wounds and fears, promote your creativity and expand your awareness.
Healthy forms of sexuality will provide growth, both in us and in our society. Some of us support this with the idea that a lot of loving and healing energy flows, much more than we can personally capture and retain. We let ourselves be satisfied and healed first. The great remnant, which flows over, is given by our visualization fellow human beings, the ancestors, nature and all who want to develop with it.
Areas of personal and shared growth
Our circle of awareness, practice and evolution (Erfahrungskreis) expand the personal toolkit of sexual behavior and of being in this life.
Our understanding and our practice can develop a whole lot further, whether as a woman or a man, as a couple or a single, in open or closed relationships, with certain sexual orientations and wishes or in different phases of life. These is really a whole bunch of aspects.
We can recognize, which sexual fantasies are nourishing and may be lived in reality and which are better left in the phantasy or virtual world. The observation of our sexual fantasies also gradually brings us closer to who we are and what we really want to live in our lives.
This also applies to the observation of old fears, fixed patterns, disappointments and blockades.
If healthy forms of sexuality are lived more intensly and brought to light, unhealthy patterns of shadow can be transformed or dissolved more easily.
Future visions already signalize new forms of relationship and sexuality in your life, your beloved and in society.
So why not to start right now in the best years of our lives?
Free of concepts and fixed patterns
We try to become free of our defining concepts, such as constellations in a couple, orientation only towards one sex or to sexual intercourse, orgasm, a lot of action, erected penis and ever-humid vulvas. All these aspects are welcome of course, but don’t have priority in sexual flow. We also do not pay attention to be an equal number of Shivas and Shaktis.
During the flow, we repeatedly take a pause. This gives us time to check whether we have followed old sexual habits and concepts. This is an impulse to feel deeper needs, encounter core elements of sexuality and relationship and to open up to new forms of behavior. Impulses can come from within us or from other participants.
These short breaks and other tools also provide an opportunity to explore how many layers or aspects of sexuality are currently being experienced and in which intensity they are lived, e.g. our animalistic part , our making love, our modes of creative activity, being active or passive, feeling pleasure and lust, the images, emotions and thoughts we have, the heartbeat and sweat, the external and internal senses, the external and internal vibrations, the subtle extension of our being, the ecstasy, the vulnerability and the feeling of being touched, the heart connection to the partner, to the group and to all that is.
Variants of the sexual flow
Since the beginning of our self awareness project in 2006, many have developed surprisingly and gained major experiences in sexual flow and consciousness. In this sexual, emotional and mental exchange, we have given eachother a richness of gifts.
To ensure that joining our group for new participants is not too complex, we offer introductory days and we pass on our experiences in careful steps.
The many touching and overwhelming feedbacks encourage us to go on like this.
These introductory days also are appreciated by friends who participate since several years, because they give us more time to remind ourselves of the intentions and essences of sexual flow and of what we have learned during the past years.
Our latest variation of sexual flow is designed for those couples who want to dive deeper in sexuality without changing partners, and beyond this to open themselves to the experience of an extended sexual energy and love which a group can provide. This workshop appreciates the existing emotions, needs, values and arrangements of couples. It dares facing aspects like sexual loyalty, fear of loss and many other emotions, rules and relational dynamics, etc. Even if we do not understand ourselves as a psychotherapeutic group, we still have time to feel deeper into emotions and concepts of being a couples, to reflect needs and limits, and to adjust them only when it is harmonious for both.
In the deeper diving days of sexual flow we dedicate our time to very specific topics in addition to the usual free flow. This includes, for example:
- Our (self) understanding as a woman, as a man, with the corresponding genetic, cultural and inner male / female aspects.
- relationships as a single, a couple or in a polyamory structure and as a mindful beeing in our world.
- The resolution or extension of conventional terms such as hetero-, bi- or homosexuality, etc.
- Seeing, accepting and integrating experiences in different life phases, perhaps also experiences of our ancestors and descendants.
- Love, commitment, compassion, co-responsibility.
- Communication and exchange in verbal, psychosexual ways or through the body.
- Our longings, fears, traumas, shadows, hopes etc. linked to sexuality and relationships.
How meetings take place
A meeting covers at least two days, normally a weekend starting Friday evening and ending Sunday afternoon. One meeting in July takes place in the nature and covers three to four days. There are both guided and free-flowing phases.
A first phase allows to arrive and become familiar with each other. We share our ideas and limits . We may choose also specific topics on sexuality, relationship and partnership. Then exercises to build up energy and relaxation practices are following, in order to connect deeper with oneself and the group. Possibilities of action and the policies, e.g. safer sex are introduced so that our events are safe and successful and we can have full confidence in all members of the group.
We also apply exercises for gentle physical approach, for deceleration, for personal centering and for a systemic feeling of the greater whole.
With all of this, an important basis and an always surprising mixture for sexual flow, the second phase of our meeting, is emerging.
For the second phase, the proper sexual flow, we lay out a cozy central field of mattresses with satellites (separate mats) around. Anyone who is in the central field is open for sexual encounters in the group. Those who would prefer to be alone or (only) with selected persons, will go to satellite places on the edge of the room. Through the arrangement of this different fields, each person can freely choose the right moment she/he likes to dive completely into the group or he/she would rather exchange only in the setting of a couple or if he/she temporarely prefers to be alone.
A bit different is the sexual flow for couples. The focus there is on the couple’s sexuality in the energetic field of the group. The couple decides, if it remains in this setting of sexual encounter and whether it allows contact from other couples.
As already mentioned, there are dynamic moments of action and those with pause, silence which allows more to open for conscious perception.
Sometimes this phase of sexual flow is also embedded in a ritual or in a kind of systemic constellation to make the connection of sexuality, spirituality and transformation more conscious.
The third phase at the end of the meeting provides space for the reflection of the experience, for a feedback round and for any waiting tasks. It completes the meeting to promote a deeper understanding of each other, to enable the unfolding of our consciousness, and also to give us time to return to everyday life.
Conditions of participation
Adults who already have good experiences in tantra or sexological bodywork (a one year training or equivalent) and who we already know from a tantra or bodywork event (for example a weekend in one of our circles, in a tantra regional meeting, etc.) can participate in sexual flow.
These events are not commercial and cover only our expenses. We understand our input as form of volunteer work, because we ourselves are touched by the power of the sexual flow and and still learning a lot as participants aswell. We want to give other people the opportunity of such an experience. We are also looking forward to expanding our circle of friends through such events and encounters. A friendly, trustworthy and intimate exchange is important to us.
If we do not know you and your experiences so far, we will contact you by phone or mail. You can also ask your open questions. This should contribute to a more trusting framework for you and for all participants.
If you want to come, you should have beside good tantric experiences as well the willingness to contribute with your own personality, your mindfulness and your support for yourself, for us as group and for a greater good. You are responsible for your actions and your health. You are also co-responsible for the health and well-being of others.
Invitation and contact
If you would like to get in contact with us, please contact us via mail.
If you know experienced tantrika or people of sexological bodywork, which could be suitable for sexual flow and open, please contact them.
You find our address at Kontakt.